Thursday, July 31, 2008

impeccable timing.

I went to Dallas/Stephenville/Proctor this weekend for one last grandparent trip. So, I got to see lots of friends and drove lots of miles.

But what I really want to tell you about is my accident. 

No, I did not pee my pants. I had a car accident.

'How did it happen?' you ask. Please let me tell you.

I was on my way to Stephenville to see my beautiful friend Michelle Ellis, who is due to give birth in 2 weeks. CRAZY. Anyway, so I am driving on a dirt road in order to get to said friend. I was driving up a hill, and when I got at the top of the hill, I see a truck flipped over, and a green car RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I'm not gonna lie, I said some not nice words. But the situation was quite deserving of those words. I tried to swerve around them, and I just couldn't stop, so my passenger side hit the back of the green car. 

So, I pulled out of the way and found out that the green car had stopped to help the flipped truck. I thought it was a little fishy that she kept telling me that I could leave, and everything was okay. I mean, I've never been in an accident, but I was pretty sure that you're not supposed to leave the scene of a crime. Hit and run, yes? Yes. So, I waited and did what any grown up would do in the same situation. 

I called my mommy. Got some reassurance, and waited for the police to come. 

When green car girl heard the police were coming, SHE said some not nice words, and informed me that her license is currently suspended. Oops. Then, her boyfriend shows up. When he discovers that the police are on their way, he freaks out and says he needs to leave because he has a warrant out for his arrest. Wow. I was shocked. 

I ended up not getting a ticket, which was good, because I really couldn't have avoided the situation. But, my poor AC Slater, who has been such a good car to me, will have to have a little plastic surgery.


My passenger side doors won't open. Awesome. What really stinks is that we are t minus 17 days from Jill leaving the country. Insurance is not that quick about these things, I am figuring out, so it looks like I am leaving a headache for my dad (read Jacey) to handle. 

But the good part of this crappy situation is that I am okay physically. It could have been a lot worse (let's remember that a pickup truck flipped). My back is a little sore, but I press on. 

In other news, Jacey and I are going to Corpus Christi this weekend! Yay for days filled with books, sun, beach, and perhaps a few adult beverages. And, no I don't mean diet coke.

'just keep going, no feeling is final.' - rilke

Friday, July 25, 2008

I had my garage sale today (and it continues into tomorrow) and it was a lot more emotional than I thought. I had to take a moment to compose myself before I faced the swarm of people saying 'how much do you want for this.' I know that it's just stuff, it's replaceable. But it was still hard.

I think I am realizing that it's coming. I'm leaving in 20 days, which seems a lot more real than 2 months. I am still very excited and ready for August 17 to come, don't get me wrong...this is just harder than I thought. And I am so very grateful for sweet Spoede's who don't let me be sad alone. And for my sweet sister who makes time to talk and listen to me.


'long you must suffer, knowing not what,
until suddenly out of spitefully chewed fruit
your suffering's taste comes forth in you.
then you will love almost instantly what's tasted. no one
will ever talk you out of it.'
-rilke

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

working for nothing

Apparently I am just in love with Wendell Berry lately. Especially when sleep escapes me...

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. Whenthey want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute
. love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and
embrace the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.

Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plan sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion--put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts
.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie easy in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Sweat allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.
--Wendell Berry
Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love this. Yay for Barnaby's with sweet friends tonight.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I am garage sale-ing this weekend. As in, I am having one. But of course, in order to have a garage sale, one must collect things to sell in said sale. :) So, it has been an emotional week. I've been going through things, and deciding what I can sell and what I absolutely cannot live without. The hardest thing to part with was my books. I love to read, and have built myself quite a collection despite not having a permanent place to put them. I was going through them with the Spoede's (AKA family I live with), and it was just hard.


I'm trying to wrap my head around 2 years, how long that is, and how little I can take. I'm trying to be a big kid in my decisions and be practical. But despite what my sister says, I am taking my hair straightener. You heard me. I'm taking it!



But, in the words of wisdom from my dad...'well, now when you get back you can just get new stuff.'








In other news...my mom got married this weekend! And I got to be the picture taker, which I enjoyed. I was glad that I got to be here for her big day. I love my mamasita!












And this is probably my most favorite sister picture EVER. Add this to the list of things I will miss...funny photo sessions with my sister!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I had the opportunity to visit with some of my 'dear friends', the Stanleys last night. I just love them. The name of my blog came from a book that they gave me for my birthday that chronicles the life of a woman named Rachel Corrie, who ultimately gave her life for a cause she believed in. Her story is one of pain and frustration with her world, and the knowledge that she was intended for something bigger.



I just wanted to share the entry from the book that lends itself to the title of her book as well as my blog.



"If the words I use buzz away from my lips meaninglessly, then we'll let them hang in the air for a while. We'll let those silly words sit and make fools of themselves until other words come and crowd around them.

I need to flutter and hover and look at the diamond ripples through six swirled insect eyes. Just don't touch me for a moment. Let me sit and stare at everything through my own eyes for a while. Let me dance in the lily petals and skim the trembling water and buzz like useless words in the air.

Do you understand? Let me lie on my back in tall grass and see the sun and the water droplets on the branches and the red tree trunks through my own eyes. Let me color them and build them with my own words. Lonely, strong words. Let me stand alone at the edge of the earth and look at it honestly, alone." -rachel corrie


I just think these words are beautiful and inspiring.


I also bought a sweet sleeping bag today, and learned way more than I ever wanted to know about sleeping bags in general.


I made my travel plans for leaving Houston, and I will be flying out August 17 at 7:25 am. Gross. I doubt that I will sleep much, if any, the night before. Basically out of sheer excitement. But that is still early. I fly to Philadelphia, and I'll stay for 3 days. Then we fly from New York to Frankfurt to Almaty. I think it's something like 14 hours. Ridiculous.


And I'm 30 days away!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Roberts Reunion

i love my grandad.
So I got to spend some time with my grandparents and also have a family reunion over this past week. It was lots of fun and sweet memories that I will treasure when I am gone.